A few friends who recently expressed their angst and feelings of helplessness about being so sensitive that they feel the pain of others deeply in their bodies. When this happens with members of your family—when you “can’t stand for them to hurt”—it can be hard to know what action is appropriate.
Should you rush to their side with the help they need so you can escape their uncomfortable situation? We all pretty much know that it’s best to let others make their own mistakes and correct their own trajectories. Easier said than done, though!
I have lived through this dilemma countless times, and plumbed its depths. Underneath the difficulties with empathic sensitivity, and the worry it generates, I have often found a strange fear of abandonment. This derives from early childhood, from the babymind, which assumes that if the parent is too uncomfortable or unhappy, they’ll be paralyzed, helpless, and might leave me or die—and then I might not survive. So I must make sure they have what they need to NEVER feel sad or upset.
You develop a highly tuned radar, capable of picking up the exact same kind of anticipatory, pre-upset vibrations your parent used to get, so you can nip the discomfort in the bud—but now you do it with everyone. You become a primo caretaker or healer.
Or in a variety of the same thing, whenever you drop into your soul and feel really happy, are fully merged with the moment and totally enjoying your Self, a memory pops up of times in the past when you were innocently wide-open and in joy, and a parent’s upset suddenly put the kabosh on things. And your mind said, “Oh, I was supposed to be on the lookout for these emotional contractions, and prevent them! I’ve fallen down on the job by having fun.” You experience shock and remorse, and some disciplinarian part of you suppresses the clebratory, creative, spontaneous part of you.
If “being too empathic” is an issue you’re noticing now, you may be ready to see and release a last remnant of an old inner posture that is used to being cautious and vigilant about that moment when you might naturally relax your mind because you’re happy with yourself and life. You might be ready to realize that you don’t have to feel “wrong” when other people’s pain and ignorance rudely intrude upon your good mood. What’s up is a last decision to trust the sanity of the Flow over the mind’s old rules, and to validate the goodness of the way the Flow feels by consciously reinforcing it, in a tactile way to your body, so it sticks as a new way of being. Out with the old stimuli, in with the new.
Sorting Vibrations: Dealing with Bullies
I have recently become embroiled in a situation where I stood up to, or stood out from, a bully who was dominating a group. I was accused of many nasty things that were untrue, and as upsetting as it was to feel my body responding to the adrenaline rushes this person was so adept at creating, the whole situation has proved to be quite interesting energetically.
It was interesting to watch other people in the group either hang back or come forward, to see how conflict-avoidant we are. Some people tried to appease the bully. Others avoided saying anything hoping the situation would just go away. I wondered, “How does one deal with a bully without becoming a bully yourself?” Backing away one level, I could see that the theme of “bullying” was up for all the participants. Different people were pointing the finger at different parties. But something deeper was going on.
Many people are in the midst of “adjusting their frequency” now. That means we’re unconsciously, but mainly consciously, deciding who we want to be, how we want to be, who we want as colleagues, friends, and clients. We are deciding to let go of old low-frequency behaviors based on self-sacrifice and victimization, and to move into a soul-based, much more unlimited way of living and perceiving.
Whatever level we’re at, we’re pushing through to a new section of our destiny. I see people changing their living situations, friends, mindsets, and diets. Much confusion goes along with this process as the old dies and the new peeks out of the shell but is still unfamiliar.
This process is happening in politics right now as well. Many people are just plain tired of being scared and tired. The fear-based people want to keep everyone else in the slower vibration with them, to control the world. The higher-vibrational, more fluid people want new leadership, innovation, new ways of solving problems that are win-win-win, and opportunities for growth.
Part of what stirred me to stir up the group I’m talking about is that the different vibrational levels of the people in the group seemed to be catalyzing into distinct factions. One dominating person was trying to hold the group into an “old” frequency that is too low and slow for me. What we were experiencing was a process of sorting vibrations.
Part of this process means holding steady in your own core vibration, or essence, and not giving over to other people’s more dominating, or seductive, vibrations. At times like this, there may need to be separations so that a deeper experience of unity can eventually occur. It seems ironic, but to pull out of involvements that have become unconscious, in order to see them and consciously choose what we want, may be necessary.
I think there is a phenomenon surfacing that has to do with how we handle conflict. In the group, as in the world, I feel many people avoiding the conflict, or trying to appease various parties, because of the great discomfort caused by the nastiness that’s been thrown into the air. This is an opportunity for all of us to look at how we “hold our own” and stay open-hearted at the same time. I think this is what living a courageous life is all about—after all, courage means “of the heart.”
I am sitting with the idea of what needs I’d like satisfied and at what level I want to contribute in my life. Who are my colleagues? What will I NOT put up with anymore?
I’d like to raise this topic and invite your feedback: What’s your leading edge right now? In personal growth? In your career? In your life dream? As we see what’s really real for ourselves and each other, perhaps we can find a way to serve those needs. Let’s center in our truth, and speak from our passions. I’d love to hear from you.
Copyright by Penney Peirce