Every now and then I read back through something I wrote—like this—over ten years ago, and find how pertinent it still is.
The little me doesn’t know,
but the Big Me does.
Even if your personality and mind don’t know what to do, the real you — your soul — always does. Let go of holding opinions today and see what wisdom takes their place.
There is something at work in my dreams, and somewhere out in the far reaches of my aura; something is teaching me, soldering my circuit board, weaving in new colored threads, tying beautiful knots with my loose ends. Someone is sending a new song into my cells through silent sound; a tuning fork with the tone of my new name is being struck. It’s a new blueprint, a new way of being organized, a new life dream.
I sense the dissolution of the old, as my memory fades repeatedly, as my past seems like it could belong to someone else, as I’m not convinced about what I say. I am being drawn elsewhere — is it the future? Another dimension? Am I being seduced into boredom and spaciousness to be ready for the next kaboom? Am I becoming enlightened, or senile?
My daily habits, my long-standing ideas about Who I Am — I hear my voice echoing hollowly as I speak or even think these old, boring thoughts. Somehow, I know I am heeding the call, in spite of my professed ignorance. I am turning toward the unknown that knows better than I what the next creation might be, who my new friends might be, what my new place might be.
The call is a silent one, asking me to reinvent myself in a way that is much more powerful, yet subtle, than ever before. More faith, less ambition. More passion, less meaning. More involvement, less attachment. More color, texture, rhythm, and tone, less overstimulation. More me, more us, more one, more true, greater and smaller, dramatic and invisible, social and secluded, domestic and exotic. Someone teaches my mind. Someone inspires my mind to be the servant, not the tyrant, at long last. Poet David Whyte says, “Idleness is a discipline of its own.”
Copyright by Penney Peirce